A Beginner’s Guide to Getting Along with Your Roommate

Living with a roommate marks a significant milestone for many college students. It may be your first experience living away from home. This new environment creates challenges and opportunities for personal growth. While not every roommate relationship will blossom into a deep friendship, establishing mutual respect and effective communication can transform this potentially stressful situation into a positive (and fun!) experience.

These tips and recommendations can help you feel comfortable sharing a dorm room with one (or more) people.

Setting expectations 

The cornerstone of a successful roommate relationship is clear, proactive communication. Once you receive your roommate’s information, reach out — even before arriving on campus. Building rapport early on may feel awkward initially since you’re both strangers, but it can soothe everyone’s nerves and put fears to rest.

Some schools or resident assistants (RAs) recommend creating a contract. This mutually agreed-upon doc outlines your expectations, boundaries, and shared responsibilities. It doesn’t have to be fancy or super formal, and whether you write it down or merely discuss it, make sure you talk about:

• Sharing policies for personal belongings and snacks: Specify what’s off-limits and what you don’t mind sharing. Determine how you’ll replace consumables, like printer paper and toner, or toothpaste and food you both like.
• Study and sleep habits and quiet time preferences: We all have different study and sleep habits. You might be a morning person, and your roommate is a night owl. Think about how those routines will affect your style. Does it make sense for you to have your early morning study sessions at the library once or twice a week? Will you use a sleep mask and headphones to catch your Zzzs while your roommate burns the midnight oil?
• Schedules and routines: If you’ve got similar class schedules, great! You may have complimentary routines. But if not, figure out where your routines might clash and then negotiate and compromise. Remember that compromise doesn’t mean giving in but rather talking things through until you reach an agreement you’re both happy about.
• Guidelines for visitors: Are you both cool with sleepover guests, or is that a no-go? Make sure you’re both clear on when visitors are welcome — and when they aren’t.
• Cleaning routines and room maintenance: Dorm rooms are usually pretty darn small. If you’ve been used to your own space, sharing with another person may feel like it’s cramping your style. Believe it or not, a “clean freak” and a “messy Marvin” can cohabitate peacefully. Figure out your combined tolerance level for messiness and go from there.

Practical strategies for living together

Surviving — and better yet, thriving — with a roommate hinges first on mutual respect and understanding. It’s more than following a set of written rules (like that contract) and involves recognizing and appreciating individual differences. You and your roommate may come from completely different backgrounds or have contrasting personalities. Approach these differences with an open mind and genuine curiosity.

Conflict resolution

It’s probably inevitable that minor conflicts will arise. The key? Addressing issues promptly and diplomatically. When a problem emerges, discuss it immediately and directly. Use “I” statements focused on your feelings and perspectives rather than accusatory statements that will immediately put your roommate on the defensive. If direct communication is hard and you don’t like confrontation, ask your RA to mediate and offer guidance — that’s part of their job!

Practical compromises

Successful cohabitation requires flexibility. You could alternate study spaces, create a cleaning/chore chart, or develop a system for sharing and borrowing personal stuff. Remember that compromise doesn’t mean sacrificing comfort but finding mutually acceptable solutions. Again, if you’re struggling to reach a good compromise, reach out to your RA.

Boundaries and personal space

Even in small living spaces, you should establish and respect each other’s boundaries. When your roomie has guests visiting, can they sit on your bed or at your desk, for example, or is your side of the room off limits? Do you love hosting study groups? Have you checked with your roommate to verify they’re okay with it, too? Speak up about your preferences regarding privacy, alone time, and social interactions. You and your roommate should treat each other (and your stuff) with respect.

Safety and mutual responsibility

Your room is your safe haven from the rest of the world. Protect your privacy and valuable possessions like computers and other electronics by working together to maintain a safe living environment. Lock the doors and windows, be mindful of each other’s belongings, and look out for each other’s security.

Manage expectations

No rule says you and your roomie must become besties. Build your relationship on mutual respect and consideration, and coexist harmoniously. A friendship that grows from living together is a bonus — not a requirement.

While your roommate experience is a living arrangement created from necessity, you can look at it as an opportunity for personal development, too. Sharing close quarters with another person teaches valuable life skills like communication, compromise, empathy, and conflict resolution. And those skills will last long after you’ve earned your degree.